Growing up in environments where important parts of us get suppressed or banished—whether through experiences of oppression, abuse, neglect, trauma, loss, or interpersonal injuries—can result in tremendous emotional wounding that impacts our self-esteem and sense of agency. Many of the folks I work with learned to cope with this pain by trying to manage theirs and others’ emotions in ways that felt safe at the time. This could look like perfectionism, over-accommodation, or general minimization of needs. These were their trauma responses. For several of my clients, these were the only available strategies to get their needs met, especially as children. Some folks learned these behaviors because they were punished or rejected if they did not perform them. This can especially be the case for kids who grow up to be high-achieving adults. For others, they might have been assigned these tasks by family members or expected to play the part due to cultural expectations, but found that genuine connection and closeness to others was directly impacted.

As Devon Price writes, “There is no shame in having used imperfect strategies to survive.” In fact, these are completely reasonable coping skills to have in unreasonable situations. Many of us feel pulled toward these responses because they can be immediately effective at protecting us or alleviating distress. We often use perfectionism, over-accommodation, and minimization to grasp at safety in situations where there is suffering.

I’m here to support with rebuilding internal trust that you can survive the hard process of disrupting harmful patterns. In our therapy, you will learn to identify and feel your strength even when there’s deep discomfort, to keep yourself safe by listening to your boundaries, and to feel more secure with both acknowledging and asserting your needs.